 FML, e-mails from the fml website. |
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  Jul 13 2009, 01:51 AM
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#1
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 Forum Master  Group: Members Posts: 923 Joined: 5-September 04 From: here Member No.: 59 Are you an RPG'er?: No  |
So I was just going through the fml.com website and decided to post a few of the entries on here. Post some good ones that you read too or that happened to you.
"Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browser history popped up. The first thing was 'Best positions for a small penis'. FML!" "Today, I asked the girl I'm in love with to go out with me. She asked me my name. FML!" "Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I am a heavy sleeper and my brother's a moron. FML!" "Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she needed someone more like her 'Edward'. I asked who Edward was. She held up her copy of one of the Twilight books. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML!" "Today my husband dropped me off at work. A few minutes later, I recieved a text saying 'I just dropped the bitch off. I'll be there in a few, baby. -Miss you'. FML!" "Today, I went to my first strip club for my friend's birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML!" -------------------- "I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago .. saying goodbye." - Dawsons Creek
"i knew i loved you when there was nothing you could do to make me want to leave you. But then you did everything to test my love. And now, i find myself walking away. Maybe i'm not as strong as you need me to be." |
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Jul 13 2009, 02:37 AM
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#2
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 Forum Master Group: Admin Posts: 8388607 Joined: 22-January 04 Member No.: 5 Are you an RPG'er?: A bit |
Here's a couple of quick random finds:
"Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how this is for you, I proceeded to play for about 3 seconds when I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML" "Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML" "Today, I learned I made the dean's honor list for my college for the first time since attending. I asked my dad if he was proud of me, to which he replied, "when you're as successful as your brother, I'll be proud." My brother is a Chippendale's dancer. FML" "Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML" |
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Jul 14 2009, 01:47 PM
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#3
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Forum Master Group: Members Posts: 923 Joined: 5-September 04 From: here Member No.: 59 Are you an RPG'er?: No |
"Today, my mom and I were watching this movie and these lesbians started making out. My mother proceeds to call them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML"
"Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML" "Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML" "Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. The bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML" "Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML" "Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML" "Today, my parents won't stop bragging about how my sister is dating the captain of her high school football team. I just got accepted to law school. FML" "Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML" "Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML" -------------------- "I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago .. saying goodbye." - Dawsons Creek
"i knew i loved you when there was nothing you could do to make me want to leave you. But then you did everything to test my love. And now, i find myself walking away. Maybe i'm not as strong as you need me to be." |
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Jul 14 2009, 08:08 PM
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#4
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Forum Master Group: Admin Posts: 8388607 Joined: 22-January 04 Member No.: 5 Are you an RPG'er?: A bit |
"Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened windows explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML"
"Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML" "Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML" "Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML" "Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML" "Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML" |
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Jul 23 2009, 02:39 PM
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#5
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Forum Master Group: Members Posts: 923 Joined: 5-September 04 From: here Member No.: 59 Are you an RPG'er?: No |
the one about the automatic sliding doors happened to me.
-------------------- "I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago .. saying goodbye." - Dawsons Creek
"i knew i loved you when there was nothing you could do to make me want to leave you. But then you did everything to test my love. And now, i find myself walking away. Maybe i'm not as strong as you need me to be." |
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Jul 23 2009, 07:30 PM
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#6
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Forum Master Group: Admin Posts: 8388607 Joined: 22-January 04 Member No.: 5 Are you an RPG'er?: A bit |
I'm sorry, but that is too funny.
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Aug 17 2009, 03:16 PM
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#7
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 Sociopathic Mastermind Group: Admin Posts: 8388607 Joined: 21-January 04 From: Saint John, NB, Canada Member No.: 1 Are you an RPG'er?: No X-Fire Name: divinekaos |
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
-------------------- QUOTE(Corau) Your rant is instilling me with a bloodlust that has not been seen since Hitler gave his speeches at Auschwitz. Congratulations, you're Hitler. America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free. |
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Aug 18 2009, 10:42 AM
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#8
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Forum Master Group: Members Posts: 923 Joined: 5-September 04 From: here Member No.: 59 Are you an RPG'er?: No |
I was sitting at work and had forgotten my lunch that day, so I picked up a bag of cinnamin raison bagels from the nearest store. As I'm working at my desk, I'm eatting the bagels one by one. Finishing the last bagel, I realised there is a big patch of mold on it. The bag had expired weeks before and I hadn't noticed until I already ate the whole bag. FML. (That happened to Dave a few weeks ago)
-------------------- "I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago .. saying goodbye." - Dawsons Creek
"i knew i loved you when there was nothing you could do to make me want to leave you. But then you did everything to test my love. And now, i find myself walking away. Maybe i'm not as strong as you need me to be." |
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Sep 10 2009, 02:56 AM
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#9
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Forum Master Group: Members Posts: 923 Joined: 5-September 04 From: here Member No.: 59 Are you an RPG'er?: No |
Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML -------------------- "I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago .. saying goodbye." - Dawsons Creek
"i knew i loved you when there was nothing you could do to make me want to leave you. But then you did everything to test my love. And now, i find myself walking away. Maybe i'm not as strong as you need me to be." |
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